What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:23
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Do very hot men ever feel attracted to an ugly woman? Why?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What do dreams about dead people mean?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What is your craziest college sex story?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What firsthand information do you have on prisoner-on-prisoner sexual abuse/rape?
Im still living with it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Can you make a fake K-pop group? It can be with any idols.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So, i spoilt her more .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why do I sweat between my legs all the time, top off my legs, all way down?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Ive learnt so much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Do older men realize that younger women usually do not prefer them?
I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Do people have to be a pastor to baptize?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I think the readers, may guess!
Which branch of engineering is better: ECE or Civil?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He knew the spot.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She married twice! .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was seconnd youngest,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We all went to grammer schools
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it wasn’t much.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One cannot live in the past .
As i do to all so called friends.?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
My life is so biszare .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
All the time i was locked up.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Who then, do I blame.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was scared of men, in general
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I could never make a relationship work though!
My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And i lived it daily.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I will be 64.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Would this be the day?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.